On Ageing

/ Daniel Swearingen


“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” – Robert Frost

All future is ageing, all present is fear of the future. All future is me. All future is me. On Ageing, I see the end of the world in me. And perhaps no one will know it, no one will see, that growing older terrifies me. For I would not be lonely with this song stuck in me.

The end of the world seems within my reach, rushing so suddenly. Dampened ideas, slower dreams, a final goal written by her in front of me. The future has changed for what I thought it would be, and now I no longer think myself as a king. I believe now I’m only me. Perhaps that is all I was meant to be. And in this is the metric, the sword without the stone, the Julius without his Caesar, in this I am alone. Betwixt a shadow and a great sea. A figure hiding along that great highway toward Wyoming by the mile marker fifteen. Between high stones, my heart baring a rare treatise. The end like the beginning is all I believe. For this in ageing is my reprieve.

Perhaps the end comes in ageing in stereo, feeling the sting. Could be it comes between a stranger’s hips, hearing an angel sing. For I think of it like a murder, that’s never been discovered, a bit of freedom from what the law decrees. Perhaps the end is the stage of comedy, an open platform of strange honesty, a darkness of my heart spilled for all to see. Oh, how even now the end it comes, and I would deceive. How wicked I could be. For it would seem that in ageing we are sums of curiosities, atoms and molecules, and strange memories. Perhaps ageing is a disease. Still a vampire I would not be. The spirit is enough for me.

Life is referred to as a great ship, a feminine, a cosmic she. That is, she is, referred to by me. A delicate bride, born by my own destiny. A creation, a genesis of my own spiritual mystery. A raging banshee. Oh, in ageing she has taken me. For this alone I will not let her be. No, she will never be. Like a house haunted for many years, I will not let her go so easily. She will hear me scream. I will draw her blood in equity. And I swear, that last breath that she draws, will come from her, but not from me. It is a spell at the end I will weave. For on ageing it is enough to know loss. Still, it is too much to grieve.

All future is ageing, all present is fear of the future. All future is me. All future is me. On Ageing, I see the end of the world in me. And perhaps no one will know it, no one will see, that growing older terrifies me. For I would not be lonely with this song stuck in me. – 05.22.2022 – דָּנִיֵּאל 

119 thoughts on “On Ageing”

  5. Brother this wonderful writing of yours was a great way to finish Shabbos. I too am not a fan of ageing, but the wonder of what is next keeps me going. Shalom, Den

    Liked by 5 people

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  16. “All future is ageing, all present is fear of the future. All future is me. All future is me. On Ageing, I see the end of the world in me. And perhaps no one will know it, no one will see, that growing older terrifies me. For I would not be lonely with this song stuck in me.” This is the most powerful paragraph I have read in a long time. Well done.

    Liked by 4 people

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  17. Aging, oh how beautifully terrifying it is! I’ve been experimenting with an anti-aging serum, to halt this rachet thing called menopause, I will keep you updated 🧐 In the meantime I have a prescription to enjoy life because fleeting it is ❤

    Great write and music you have here 😊

    Liked by 4 people

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  26. Many lines you write often strike me as from your heart. One in particular here “For I would not be lonely with this song stuck in me.” I wonder if we don’t all feel this way as we age.

    Liked by 3 people

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  34. Pingback: On Ageing | Nelsapy

  42. It is one of the best write-ups I’ve read in a while. The experience of reading this was so soothing and delightful. Thank you so much for posting this! 🌸

    Liked by 3 people

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