The Ghost in an Old Man’s Heart

/ Daniel Swearingen


“The secrets that lost boys keep birth ghost” – DS

Here in lies the power, the place that G_D has made. Here in dwells the temple, and it is a ghost that both loves and hates in the greatest silence! For it can cast, and it can spell, it can retrieve and deceive. It separates, and hides, and when it is ready it reveals itself. Into the silence. Into the silence.

I heard many words last night upon my bed. They were legion from sources seen and unseen. Strange expressions that built themselves like influences upon my heart. Sounds and strange syllables, lilted tongues of angels or daemons, one or more, one thousand in a reflection growing louder from each shadow around my room. Together they forced me into the silence. And I saw myself young, and found myself old, and though I felt cold, there was some comfort for indeed I saw I had never been alone.

For there were ghost with me in spring and fall.  Under cold winter moons, and summer storms of awe, and they chanted, chanted that I should heed their call. And they said so many things I could not take it all. Out of sky and earth and fire from my birth, till the day I heard a final song. And they sang inside my head in the silence of it all. For I saw them as a child, in the tumbleweeds that the wind would hold and blow, and I felt them kiss my lovers, with their familiar touch and glow. Yes, I felt them shake inside me when my anger did not let go. In the silence were these ghosts, as an old man where do they go. Oh, the power of all that is me, how much of it do they now know. Oh, the power of all that is me, how much of it do they now know.

Oh, the silence that awaits me, where the angels would have me go, the knowledge that leaves me, as these daemons fold. These ghost that have been with me, knowing what they know. It is not in my defense that they hold what they know, it is the power of recognition of letting this secret go. Oh, ghost that has become legion, how your fears have grown. Now here into silence I watch you go. Now here into silence I watch you go.

Here in lies the power, the place that G_D has made. Here in dwells the temple, and it is a ghost that both loves and hates in the greatest silence! For it can cast, and it can spell, it can retrieve and deceive. It separates, and hides, and when it is ready it reveals itself. Into the silence. Into the silence.

For the molested that turned into lost boys, that turned into old men with ghost. It is time to take those ghosts into the silence. – 09.10.20 – דָּנִיֵּאל

 

99 thoughts on “The Ghost in an Old Man’s Heart”

  8. So many amazing lines, but none more so then this, “Here in lies the power, the place that G_D has made. Here in dwells the temple, and it is a ghost that both loves and hates in the greatest silence!” Robbie rocks too. 😉

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  12. My dear young friend, I too am an old man and this grips me to my soul. We are very much alike n this sense, and I think you will identify with what I am saying. Thank you. Bill

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. Another amazing piece of writing Daniel. The ghost of abuse our terrible indeed. Many a good life has been ruined by those voices. Silencing them is a healing that is beautiful. Thank you.

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    • Hi Darrin, Thank you for your comment. I always look forward to your thoughts on my writing. I agree many a good life goes on burdened by unfair and malevolent voices from the past. The only way out is the grace that G-D gives us to silence the voices.

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      • So true and said with the voice of conviction. I understand completely, and have been there many times myself. Thank you once again for speaking with your words for so many of us.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. My comment on this wonderful piece of writing and the power it relays is held within your wonderfully constructed paragraph. “Here in lies the power, the place that G_D has made. Here in dwells the temple, and it is a ghost that both loves and hates in the greatest silence! For it can cast, and it can spell, it can retrieve and deceive. It separates, and hides, and when it is ready it reveals itself. Into the silence. Into the silence.” One of your best!!!

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  22. Dear Daniel,
    This is another one of your pieces that touched me in a very emotional way. I don’t know if this is a personal revelation or just touching the subject matter, but either way it seemed very real. Silencing the ghost in our lives that stem from an abuse in the past is a healing experience. As always.
    ❤
    Ruby

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  29. secrets in shadows of silence
    you write for the lost, for the ones who are haunted by ghost within the dusts of yesteryear
    Thank you for always sharing your thoughts with such grace so the lost may feel a moment in grace too, and have a moment of not being lost

    i love the music 🙂

    Blessings
    mary

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Dearest Mary Rose, One of my most favorite comments on this piece. Thank you I am humbled by it. Having been lost and sometimes still being lost my dream is to help anyone have a little peace along their way as I have been fortunate enough to have. Wishing you the best of weekends my friend. Shabbat shalom, Daniel

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