Veni in fletu

/ Daniel Swearingen


Do you judge my curiosity or my questions, do you pronounce sentence upon my lack of faith or civility, and when I rise at night, do you watch me with compassion, or cold insensitivity? And when I ran away to you, why did you run from me? Why did you run from me? For I have come to tears in my grave you made for me, and I watch you, as you stare back at me, yes, I watch you, as you stare back at me.

There’s a tomb now, dug beneath the dreams inside of me, where there’s castles built on songs of what used to be, and still the darkness, it’s quieter than I need, such stilled darkness, much quieter than I need. Layered stories of what’s supposed to be, good and bad taught by teachers who can’t teach. Still I lay here gritting my teeth, in the mercy of something I can’t reach. In the mercy of something I can’t reach.

I marched armies over reason, in the conscious part of me. Made decisions that were never done complete. Ran thorns through light, that showed callous indifference to the spells that would make me free. Shook my fist at the night sky, drunk on the spirit of your mystery, and you laughed then, smiling coldly down at me, oh how you laughed then, smiling coldly down at me. There’s a shadow, that moves from left to right, in me, when I’m sleeping, and again when I’m in flight, like a bat that cannot see. Is it G_D now, or just humanity, life or after, that haunts me when I sleep. Let me go now, go where I can feed, feed on you now, and make you part of me.

Its adventure, to live what most don’t conceive, in a valley, of an opposing apostasy. To rise each evening, and pronounce what you believe, to live forever, in the sight of what you can’t see. Still I wonder, what would happen to me, if I rose once, in his sunlight crystal sea, dared his judgment to take my pain from me. Rising screaming, with my darkness before me, burdened cost of a ransom lost believed, what’s not given, was never received, what’s not given, was never received.

It is winter, in a grave beneath G_D’s sun, and there’s bones there, white unbroken by no one, still in dimness, they form a puzzled dream. What’s forgiveness, if your sins lay, in wrongs that you can’t see. The same as love given, if you can’t love in your need. Under heaven in the darkness of a spell, I lie waiting, for the sound of a final bell, that towards evening, when the moon brings light to me, waiting mercy of something I can’t reach. In the mercy of something I can’t reach. – 01.22.2018 – דָּנִיֵּאל

Many thanks to JR Richards for another fine tune leading me to what I should write.

51 thoughts on “Veni in fletu”

  1. Dear Daniel, how you have spelled my life out before me with these words. Especially this line, “I marched armies over reason, in the conscious part of me. Made decisions that were never done complete.” So well put together, with darkness yet a spot of light with mercy, always mercy. Thank you again for a masterpiece I can relate to. ❤ Ruby

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  6. Pingback: Veni in fletu | Campbells World

  10. “It is winter, in a grave beneath G_D’s sun, and there’s bones there, white unbroken by no one, still in dimness, they form a puzzled dream. What’s forgiveness, if your sins lay, in wrongs that you can’t see. The same as love given, if you can’t love in your need. Under heaven in the darkness of a spell, I lie waiting, for the sound of a final bell, that towards evening, when the moon brings light to me, waiting mercy of something I can’t reach. In the mercy of something I can’t reach.” Forgive me for choosing just this one paragraph, it fits my life right now. Wonderfully written and haunting as always!!!

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  12. Daniel my brother, you have penned another mystery, and in it I am finding more pieces to my own search, as you go about your way upon your journey. I continue in prayer with you and for you, and appreciate the kind of wisdom you share each time you write from your heart and soul. May Hashem bless you and your family my brother. Shalom, Den

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  13. Thank you Daniel for another fine piece of work. I have read through it more than once, and it means more to me each time I read it. Our understanding of what creates and rules over us is always open to question in my estimation.

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  15. I keep thinking about your words written here, and how they apply to the search for God’s goodness, and mercy, and how that doesn’t always happen the way we perceive it should. So we wait reforming our perception, looking for that sunshine of the ah ha moment. Your words have so much depth, and speak to so many levels. This might not have been your intention at all, but it is what I received. Thank you. 😉

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    • Hi Abigail, actually it was my intention, and I am thinking you penned it much more concise and clearly then I did, or could, and I thank you for that. 🙂 Thank you for reading and commenting, you made my day.

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  20. It’s a lovely prose, Daniel! Perhaps not the most mystic, or mysterious or.,, a word escaped me. Depth, as deep as anything you’ve written, is revealed here. Before I listened to the song, I could hear Castles Made Of Sand by Jimi Hendrix in my head. Love your work!

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    • Hi Resa, I was going to say how did you know I love “Castles Made of Sand”, but then your a “Whitby Lady” of course you know. 😉 Thank you my friend for once again making my day with one of your wonderful comments. I got your email, and will reply soon. 🙂 Daniel

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